


Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

by Lovely_Reira



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Suicide, This is an AU, but with a slightly different ending, i wrote this a while ago and figured I would post it, its on a different website too, obviously, why are all my fics so depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9697955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovely_Reira/pseuds/Lovely_Reira
Summary: It's been a year since she lost him, a year since she lost herself with him. What's the use of an empty husk without a soul or reason?





	

The day was cloudy, almost somber as if to predict the upcoming events. Riza Hawkeye walked briskly towards a local cafe. She was to meet up with a good friend of hers, Jean Havoc. Riza and Jean had grown closer after the tragedy. Well, maybe it was more along the lines that Jean had become increasingly worried about Riza and began visiting her non-stop till they eventually formed a bond. Jean would often go and visit Riza at her apartment and, after plenty of persuading, began getting her to leave her home. Many of their friends commented that her emersion was a miracle since the woman had not left her apartment for almost a month, except to make quick runs to the convenience store down the street for microwavable dinners and dog food. Recently, she had seemed to return to normal. Riza walked Black Hayate everyday, reported to work as scheduled, went to dinner or lunch with her friends every so often, etc. She seemed fine. Well, to the untrained eye she did. 

Riza’s footsteps echoed lightly against the ground, barely audible down the sidewalk that was littered with people. The sound of cars filled her right ear, people talking filling her left. Sitting at a table in next to the window was a familiar man with oddly colored hair. The one she had come to see. Riza pushed the door to the cafe open, causing a bell tinkle from above her. By habit, the notorious sniper checked out her surroundings immediately. A pretty brunette was sitting behind a variety of delicious looking foods, she greeted Riza with a pleasant smile and overly cheery “good morning!”. She nodded in acknowledgment at the young woman. A middle age man sat at a table with a small girl chewing on a piece of a blueberry muffin. The only other unfamiliar people in there were an old couple, chatting quietly as they held hands across the table. They smiled at one another like teenagers in love. Sitting in a booth was Jean, he was staring down at a newspaper in his hands that told of the interesting news. He hadn’t bothered to glance up at her entrance. In fact, he only looked away from the paper when she sat in the booth across from him. 

“Hm, hadn’t noticed you come in. Look at this here, they are going to have a parade in his honor. I’m sure he would have just loved that.” Jean chuckled, sounding a little bitter. 

Riza nodded. Yes, he was the kind of man who would have appreciated such grandeur in his honor. 

Jean shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief. “I can’t believe that it has been a year. It seems that just yesterday he was here.” 

“Well he wasn’t.” Riza replied in a highly blunt way. 

“I suppose you’re right….god, I could go for a smoke right now.” The man said. His fingers twitched as if they longed to grab a snag a cigarette from pack. “I suppose a coffee will do for now though.”

He didn’t dare light up a cigarette now, partially out of consideration for the others in the cafe and partially for Riza. Instead, he lifted his hand, two fingers held up while the others were down loosely. Within moments, the pretty brunette came wandering over. 

“How can I help you, sir? “ She chirped. 

A smirk played on his lips. “Well, I would appreciate a coffee and maybe your number?” Jean flirted, causing the young lady to giggle. 

Riza rolled her eyes and let out a light sigh. 

“Make that two coffees.” Jean added. 

The brunette scampered off to make a fresh pot of coffee for them. Jean kept his eyes on a particular part of her body until he was unable to, then his eyes went back to Riza. She seemed to have a faraway look in her eyes, that was a constant the past year though. It was better than the dull lifeless look that had lingered for the first couple of months. Riza could only think that he was so similar to him. However, he would never be him. No matter how the smirk reminded her of a distant time, it would never change how it was now. 

When the coffee arrived, Jean took a long sip of it. Eyes widened when the scorching coffee ran along his tongue and throat. 

“Shit, I burned my tongue.” 

A small chuckle left Riza’s throat. “You are far too hasty, Jean. I guess you will never grow out of that.” she commented in an amused and fond way. 

As she spoke she mixed some sugar into the coffee as well as two creamers. Her spoon clinked slightly against the sides of the cup. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. And it seems like I am paying the price for it.” Jean had his tongue out and was using his hand to fan it. 

‘As if that will help.’ Riza mused to herself. 

Ultimately, the woman was grateful for how consistent Jean was. She always knew that he would do something to make her smile, well more to give her a reason to scold him like she would have before. Most would have assumed that it had been the mistake of an idiotic man but, Riza knew he was more clever than he let on. Besides, Jean didn’t like his coffee black. In fact, he liked his far sweeter than hers. There was only two men that she had known who drank their coffee black; her father and…..him. Familiar thoughts clawed at her mind but, she pushed them back for now. 

When the coffee was cool, Riza lifted it to her lips and sipped at it while making idle conversation with Jean. He managed to stretch out their meeting for about an hour until Riza insisted that she had to go home and let her dog out. She stood and waved him away when he suggested accompanying her home. Calmly, she placed the money for her coffee on the table, leaving a nice tip for the girl, and then leaving the cafe once she had bid Jean farewell. As soon as her back was facing her friend, she let out a sigh. It wasn’t that she didn’t like spending time with her friends but, it was tiring to act for so long. It left her mentally worn out. 

‘Well, it was the least I could do for him.’ Riza thought as she made her way home. 

The world seemed to be painfully still, maybe because soon the streets would be filled with people to celebrate. Maybe it was because her world was empty. 

The door lock clicked and the entrance to her apartment swung open to reveal a dog who wagged his tail at her. She reached down and patted his head as she walked past him. However, she didn’t acknowledge Hayate more than that, instead she walked straight towards her bedroom. She paused for a moment to jot down a quick note onto the notepad beside her phone before neatly folding it and putting it into her pocket. Then, back to the bedroom she went. Black Hayate tried to follow her into the room but, she closed the door before he was able to slip in. 

The bed sunk down beneath her weight, as well as her purse. Without looking, she placed her hand in and felt cold metal brush across her fingertips. She grabbed the familiar object and pulled it out of her purse, feeling slight anger towards it. She knew that her negative emotions towards it were completely unfounded, it was just a weapon that was only as capable as the one who wields it. It was she that had failed. This weapon actually deserved her gratitude since it would be the one to end her constant suffering. The pain in her chest would leave, the nightmares the flashed behind her eyelids every time they shut would go away. She would be at peace. Oddly, her hand didn’t shake as she raised the gun, pressing the barrel against her temple. With a deep breath, she squeezed her index finger and memories flashed before her. 

“Mommy! Mommy! I picked you a flower! It is pretty, just like you” A small girl with blonde hair chirped. 

An older woman with her hair pinned back smiled fondly at the child, reaching down and patting her on the head. 

“Thank you, Riza, I will treasure it.”

The memories flashed. Taking her through the good and bad. She could see herself standing beside her father in front of her mother's grave. Then, she remembered the dark years that followed. This included being branded, a memory that was as permanent as the tattoo itself. 

“Hold still, girl. You don’t want to mess me up. Do you?” A gruff voice questioned. 

“No, sir,” came the gentle response. A tear slipped down her teenage self’s cheek. 

Then came her light. Her sun. The flame that helped her through the dark, a flame that she would have followed to the darkest ends of the earth. 

A large hand outstretched towards a young Riza. Before her was a teenage boy with black hair and equally dark eyes, he was quite handsome but, incredibly awkward. He had stumbled out a greeting towards her and was now holding his hand out to her with a slightly nervous look on her face. 

“It is nice to meet you, Roy. I hope you learn well from my father.” 

She regrets her father accepting him now. If only he had refused him when he first came to them...this never would have happened. Everything would be alright. Finally, the memory she had been dreading more than any other came. 

“Sir, try not to do something stupid today. A lot of people are going to be watching today.” Riza warned him. 

With the press conference today, Riza was worried that the new fuhrer was going to do or say something that she would have to clean up. Roy only chuckled lightly at her. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. The worst that will happen is I might stumble over my words but, even that is unlikely.” Roy assured her. 

The two walked out onto the stage, Roy in front of the silent sniper. Cameras flashed quickly, Roy greeted the people with a slight wave and charming smile. No one acknowledged Riza. All was how it should be and, for the most part, the conference went as planned. That was until Riza saw the glint of metal. The lifted her gun and shot with confidence that she would it her mark. The attention was on her for a split second before it returned to Roy, for all the wrong reasons. The world went silent for Riza, everything seemed to move at half speed, before the woman could move the man she loved began falling backwards. In the middle of his forehead was the entrance wound of a bullet. Roy turned his head, his eyes meeting hers as the light faded from them. His mouth tried to form words but, she couldn’t hear them. The only thing she heard was the thud of his body hitting the ground. 

It was the last memory to flash before her, everything after that was numb to her. She had died along with him on that day, as she fell to her knees beside his limp body, he took her with him. All she had done now is send the vessel to the same place as her heart and soul. After the memory, her world went dark. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Hey Riza! Me and the guys are going out tonight! You should come with us!” Jean Havoc spoke loudly as he entered Riza’s apartment. The door had been unlocked, so he just came in. 

As soon as he entered, he noticed that something was off. Hayate was whimpering and laying by the bedroom door, he never even looked up when Havoc entered. A sharp smell filled his nose and it was just all too quiet. He made his way to her bedroom door and knocked. 

His voice was a bit shaky. “Ri..za? You sleeping?” That had to be it. 

Sure, it was odd for her to sleeping at this time of day but, it was the only option. He reached for the handle and opened the door slowly. His eyes widened when he saw the scene before him. The strong smell of metal hit Jean like a slap in the face and he could barely breath. Jean couldn’t even scream, he was too startled. Shakily, Jean backed up so that the blood covered room was out of his sight and grabbed the phone sitting on her table. He lifted the phone to his ear and dialed the number for the police. When a young woman asked what his emergency was he managed to stammer out what had happened and where Riza Hawkeye lives...lived. 

Jean blankly watched as an ambulance arrived and her body was taken away, Then he answered an officer’s questions about how he had found her. When it was all done with, Jean met up with the remaining members of Team Mustang. They drank in memory of two people who they had lost on the same day. The loss filled the papers for the next week while the wake and funeral took place. 

Riza Hawkeye was buried beside Roy Mustang at the request of her team, she had been by his side in life so if only made sense that she lay by him in death as well. She had proved that there wasn't anywhere he could go that she wouldn't willingly follow.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are feeling suicidal, please call someone or get help. Every life is worth something.


End file.
